


on the moon we both wished for

by purplehyacinths07



Category: NCT
Genre: Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, Jeno is just briefly briefly mentioned, flowerss, flowersssssss, no written nomin here just that they’re a couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 11:31:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17303828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplehyacinths07/pseuds/purplehyacinths07
Summary: a flower of sadness. a flower of forgiveness.





	on the moon we both wished for

**Author's Note:**

> This was an experimental writing style I did way way back, and I thought why not just release it. This isn’t proofread or anything and I’m not an expert on English so please excuse the errors and mistakes. I hope you all enjoy this!

Their friendship began because of a flower.

 

A very pretty flower.

 

They bonded together over their love for flowers. But more especially... for that pretty flower.

 

Jaemin adored the flower for it’s beauty.

 

Mark loved the flower for it’s meaning.

 

It wasn’t that Jaemin didn’t like the what the flower meant.

 

It was just too sad for him. And if there’s one thing Jaemin doesn’t want, is for him and the people surrounding him to be sad.

 

Jaemin wants to make sure everyone was happy. Jaemin wants everyone to feel loved. That’s why he’ll smile for everyone else. He’ll keep on smiling so people around him can also smile.

 

Mark knew that.

 

And he wanted to change that.

 

He wanted to tell Jaemin that it’s okay to stop smiling sometimes. He wanted to tell him that it’s not his job to smile everytime. He wanted to tell him that not every time will things be alright, but it’ll still work out in the end. He wanted to tell him to stop. Stop bringing up this facade of yours. This mask of joy which no one can see as the truth anymore.

 

Mark wanted to tell Jaemin that he was there for him. Mark wanted to tell Jaemin that if he wants to cry and be sad, he has him. Mark wanted to tell Jaemin that if he needs a shoulder to lean on, he’s always available for him.

 

Mark wanted to tell Jaemin that he can stop faking in front of him.

 

Mark wanted to tell Jaemin that... he loves him.

 

Mark _**wanted**_ — keyword. **Wanted**.

 

Mark wanted to tell Jaemin his feelings, but Mark couldn’t say it because Mark was a coward.

 

Mark was a coward who was too afraid to admit his feelings to his bestfriend.

Mark was a coward who was too afraid that his feelings might ruin their friendship, the timethey spent and the memories they made together.

Mark was a coward who was too afraid to hear what Jaemin will say, if he admits his feelings out loud.

 

Mark is afraid because he is a coward.

 

And Mark was fine with it.

Mark was fine with not having to tell anyone his feelings at all.

Mark was fine with it.

He was just in love.

Oh so painfully in love with his best friend.

“ _It’ll_ _be_ _gone_ _soon_.” He thinks. He wistfully thinks.

 

And wistful must the truth shall be.

 

His feelings didn’t go away. His feelings didn’t change. His feelings didn’t fade away.

 

Fade away like what he thought. Like what he hoped. And like what he wished for.

 

Instead they grew stronger.

His feelings for Jaemin becoming much more deeper.

 

And Mark was still scared. But he realized maybe it’s fine that his feelings won’t go away.

Maybe... not today... not tomorrow... not anytime in the future he sees. But someday it’ll go away. It’ll be a thing of the past. It’ll be a story he’ll just laugh at and reminisce back on.

Him being in love with Jaemin will just be a story. The tragic story of a guy who had an unrequited love on his bestfriend.

 

And he managed to move on with his life.

Gone was the Mark who was scared of seeing Jaemin in fear of turning into a blubbering mess.

Gone was the Mark who was scared of being left alone with Jaemin in fear of suddenly blurting out his feelings.

 

He’s still in love with Jaemin... very much in love and it will probably take a long time before anything changes that. And maybe it will never even change. But Mark was fine with keeping his feelings a secret, as long as he himself accepts it. And he does. He accepts his feelings for Jaemin. He accepts that he’ll never have a chance.

 

And only when he did accept, was when things changed.

 

* * *

 

A very high fever that left him in a hospital bed for a week. The doctors said it was nothing.

 

But Mark felt something was wrong.

 

And yet he chose to ignore it.

 

Mark chose to ignore and didn’t notice the 3 petals on the bed he slept in.

 

3 petals when there wasn’t a single flower in sight on the hospital room he was in.

 

* * *

 

It was only after a few days when he realized what was wrong.

 

Jaemin found someone he likes.

He told Mark everything about him.

Jeno was his name.

He loves cats and owns 3 of them even when he’s allergic to them. It was obvious with the way Jaemin talks about him, that he really likes him.

 

And that made Mark feel something.

 

It made him feel sick and uneasy.

 

Mark felt... **_jealous_**.

And Mark hated it.

 

But that wasn’t the only thing Mark felt.

Mark also felt sick. Not sick because he was jealous. Sick as in he felt nauseous and wants to vomit out everything he ate for breakfast.

 

So Mark excused himself. Telling Jaemin he’s gonna go to the bathroom for a while because wasn’t feeling well.

 

Jaemin was worried for Mark but Mark left before he could say anything.

 

Mark felt something stuck in his throat.

 

He wanted to cough it out. To remove whatever was making it hard for him to breathe.

 

And indeed, coughing it out was what he did.

 

 

Petals.

 

Flower petals.

 

Not just any flower petal.

But flower petals from _purple_ _hyacinths_.

 

Flower petals from purple hyacinths were the thing that got stuck in his mouth.

 

Flower petals from purple hyacinths which are now lying on the bathroom floor.

 

Myriads of flower petals from this. This flower. which stained the sink red.

 

**_Red?_ **

 

Mark took another look and knew.

 

Blood. It was blood. Blood was coated on the petals.

 

Mark didn’t know what to do. Mark didn’t know what to feel.

 

He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to just throw away things out of frustration.

 

And so he cried out silently. Screamed but very silently.

 

Tears running down his face as he questions “ _why?_ ” again and again.

 

He didn’t know why. He didn’t know why.

Mark Lee didn’t know... why.

 

“ _But_ _they’re_ _so_ _pretty_.” His worn out brain supplied.

 

“ _Aren’t_ _these_ _flowers_ _**pretty**_?”

 

And Mark blacked out.

 

* * *

 

Mark found it cruel. 

The flowers were pretty, but they were cruel.

 

Jaemin found him after he stayed too long in the bathroom.

 

Jaemin found him in the bathroom unconscious with blood and flower petals scattered almost everywhere. Jaemin called an ambulance immediately.

 

* * *

 

The _Hanahaki_ _disease_.

 

A disease wherein flowers grow and roots inside your lungs to your heart. A disease which develops from the prolonged unrequited love of a person.

A disease of sadness. **A** **tragic** **disease**.

 

An operation was required for him to live. Except it will remove his feelings from the person he was feeling unrequited love for.

 

Jaemin told him to do it. His family told him to do it. His friends told him to do it.

 

Mark agreed. Not because of his friends. Not because of his family. But because Jaemin told him to do it.

 

Mark was scared. He was scared to lose his feelings for Jaemin. If there was one thing Mark Lee doesn’t want to forget, it’s the feeling of being in love with Na Jaemin.

He doesn’t want this to end. But there was no other way for him to survive.

 

Jaemin told him that the person he must be in love with is a fool. A fool for not seeing such an amazing guy in front of him. A fool for ignoring an existence like Mark Lee and not loving him.

 

Mark just giggled as his heart aches. “ _A_ _fool_ , _you_ _say?_ ” He whispers under his breath, continued by him coughing out more petals.

 

* * *

 

Mark and his family were told that the operation had slim chances of survival. The flower had rooted deeply into his body it was hard to ensure that nothing would happen.

 

But Mark wanted to risk it.

 

And so his family risked for it.

 

“ **Thank** **you** _**and**_ **_I’m_** **_sorry_** _**Jaemin**_.” The last words on Mark’s head before he was lulled into a deep sleep.

 

The operation succeeded. Family and friends heard of the news. Mark was safe.

 

“ _Mark_ _is_ _safe_.” They all _thought_.

 

A day after the operation and Jaemin hurriedly enters the hospital room Mark was in, Placing down a bouquet of flowers on a vase inside the room.

 

“Isn’t that a little bit rude?” Mark calls him out.

 

“But we both love flowers?” A pout graced Jaemin’s lips. “And besides this is our favorite flower.” Jaemin continued to sulk more.

 

“ _Our_ _favorite_ _flower_.” Mark silently thought. For some reason, his heart hurts, but he can’t seem to understand why. He brushed it off thinking it’s just the side effects of the operation.

 

Jaemin sat down near his bed, as he gushes to Mark and ask him if he’s feeling okay and if everything’s alright.

 

Mark didn’t seem to feel anything so he just replied with an “I’m okay, Jaemin. I’m fine. You need to stop worrying. I’ll get better.” Which made Jaemin stop, silence now filling the room.

 

A few minutes pass of no words being exchanged and;

 

“Hey Mark, remember Jeno? The guy I told you I had a huge crush on?.. well uh we’re kinda dating now. I’m hoping you could meet each other soon.”

 

Mark replied with an “okay” and “when i get out of the hospital, or maybe you can bring him here.”

It was nothing for Mark. He was Jaemin’s bestfriend. He needs to interrogate the guy first and make sure that he isn’t stupid enough to break his best friend’s heart.

 

Soon enough, it was time for Jaemin to leave the room.

 

But there was one lingering thought on Mark’s head.

 

“ _Why_ _does_ _it_ _hurt_ _to_ _call_ _myself_ _Jaemin’s_ _**bestfriend**_?”

 

* * *

 

**Beep**.

 

 

**Beep**.

 

 

**_Beeeeeeeep_**.

 

* * *

 

The visit never happened. It couldn’t happen. It wasn’t possible. It just wasn’t possible.

 

Not when Mark died due to a rare complication.

 

It took two days. Two days just after that visit from Jaemin.

 

“Mark is safe.” That’s what they all thought. That’s what they all _believed_.

That’s what Jaemin was **led** to **_believe_**.

 

That’s why right now, Jaemin was standing in front of Mark’s grave.

 

It has been a year and Jaemin still couldn’t accept that his bestfriend was gone just like that. Just because of some feelings he couldn’t control.

 

But Jaemin have to move on. Jaemin have to accept that Mark is gone. That his Mark is gone.

 

“You know I actually have a huge crush on you .” Jaemin smiled bitterly.

 

“I did **fall** for you. But I thought you were in love with **_someone_** **_else_** so I backed off.

 

I wanted to try moving on from you and that’s why I found Jeno. I love Jeno a lot. I really do love him. I’d give all of the world just for him, and I’m willing to sacrifice everything just to be with him... but...”

 

Jaemin looks up to the sky.

It’s sunset already and the sky is graced with beautiful hues of orange and red and mild tints of violet and blue. A sign that night was approaching.

 

“...maybe, if I had the chance... in another world, in another universe.. anywhere as long as I have the chance... I don’t want to be afraid.. I don’t want to hold my feelings back. I want to try and be with you. I want to be held closely in your arms. I want to love you. And I hope you can love me too.”

 

“You’re my first **love** Mark Lee... You’re my **_first_** **_love_**. I know I don’t have the luxury of being able to tell you how I feel personally, but that’s why I’m telling you this now. I loved you. I still love you and that will never change. Thank you for the memories and friendship that I’ll never forget. Thank you for everything...”

 

“...You’ll always be a part of me... and I’ll never forget these feelings you’ve made me feel. But now.. it’s time for me to move on and let you go. It’s time for me to continue with my life.”

 

Jaemin took a deep breath, and sighed out.

 

“ **Thank** **you** , **Mark** **Lee.** **Thank** **you.** ”

 

Jaemin stood there watching as the sun slowly sank down from the sky until it was hidden from the horizon to be seen again after a few hours. The orange and red of the skies now slowly going away as the blues and violets replaces them and envelops the night sky.

 

Jaemin brought down the flowers he was holding and gently put it on top of Mark’s grave. The arrangement was a little weird, but it was the message he wanted to tell that was of importance to him.

 

The flowers were a mix of cyclamens surrounded by a bunch of purple hyacinths with a single yellow daffodil in the middle.

 

**_Cyclamens_** , for the deep love Jaemin has for Mark, not only romantic but for the long friendship they shared.

**_Purple_** **_Hyacinths_** , their favorite flower, and the reason for their friendship. A flower of forgiveness. A flower of sadness. It was there to show Jaemin’s grief of losing Mark.

 

And the last and single flower of the bunch, a **_yellow_** **_daffodil_**. A flower of _hope_ and _new_ _beginnings_ , like what Jaemin wants to do, as he lets go of the feelings he has for Mark.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so long story short to clarify things is that Mark basically died because his feelings for Jaemin came back, which is basically the rare complications. It wasn’t unheard of to happen, but it’s basically very very rare and sadly Mark just had to suffer :) the very thing that happened was that when people are operated, they are given a day’s time before anyone can visit cause the one operated still has lingering feelings left which are supposed to go away after a day. Mark sadly lasted a bit longer that’s why even though his feelings for Jaemin was gone, it kinda came back when he saw him again, and thus he questioned himself why did his heart hurt when he Jaemin wanted to introduce him to his boyfriend, Jeno. Mark’s hanahaki disease came back, and this time it rooted much deeper and it didn’t take long before Mark passed away.
> 
> I hope this wasn’t too confusing for you all and if you have questions, leave it down the comments below .... please leave a kudo if you lliked it ;~;


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